Sometimes playing Master League Online on PES2011 is a fun experience. Pitting your skill against other human beings can be satisfying in a way that running rings around a computer opponent’s defence just doesn’t match.

This is the experience about 20% of the time.

Other times you have issues with lag. And, when there’s a bit of lag in the connections, your players’ IQs start to drop dramatically.

The first thing to go is (ironically) the first touch. No longer can your players receive a ball and then quickly pass it off to someone else. No, they now need a good 8 feet of space around them to try and control the ball in. So, bye bye counter attacks.

Next it’s the fitness of the players. Turning and running (basically anything that involves not standing still) is slower. A ball gets played through to the opponent’s attacker. You push in the direction of play with your defender but he just stands there for a beat, then slowly swivels on the spot and start plodding after the attack.

Then there’s the passing. As any pass now takes twice as long to complete, accuracy drops and your opponents’ chance to block passes increases. It’s round about this time that I start swearing loudly at the TV.

Then, on really bad connections, the AI players on your team (anyone other than who you’re controlling) start to suffer from some sort of mental confusion. Forget marking or holding a defensive line; nah, huge gaps in defence and allowing attacking players to drift into whatever space they want is common.

It’s a hateful, hateful experience. Frequently I’ve been reduced to a boiling mass of rage looking for anything to lash out at. Yet I still keep going back like some sort of addict.

I don’t know why.